Where You Go I Go Too

I'm sure long before this one I had many other dreams, but this is the very first dream I can remember. It shows me that I haven't changed much in my way of thinking and forming desirous relationships since I was 4 years old. There was a young girl, my age, in my preschool class, blond curly hair. I remember her face generally other than it was like most of the faces belonging to children of a young age; cute and chubby with large eyes. But for me at that time her face possessed a magical quality.

In my dream she was standing on a balcony on the second story of a white colonial house. Her hair was curled in amber ringlets and she wore a blue dress in the style certainly before the civil war of a southern belle adorned with organdy ruffles and exposing her shoulders. What is odd is I am not sure how such details could have come into my mind. At four years old I had little knowledge of time or history yet there she was standing looking out from the picket fence lined portico as I held her in my mind. Nothing else happened.

Truth is I'm sure I hadn't spoken five words to her while we were in the class. Certainly I was too shy and when I did come in contact with her I could do nothing but admire her.

I can understand why my friends say I am a hopeless romantic (even though some haven't actually said it too me). But it makes sense. I've always been this way. Waking up in memories and dreams of thirsting for people I barely know. How to change? How to change? Can I? Do I want to? One thing I am certain of is I will keep this girl with me all of my life. As some kind of archetype. As my first memory of longing and the beginning of my hopeless romance. Where I go she goes too.